Saturday, 2 April 2016

I Have an Existential Map

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. ~ #BumperSticker

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it. ~ Steven Wright #quote

If you can read this, I am parked #bumperstickers

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. ~ Dave Barry #quote



There never was a good war or a bad peace. ~ Benjamin Franklin #quote

An Axe To Grind: To have a dispute with someone. #ENGidiom

Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep. ~ Paula Poundstone #quote

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. ~ Amy Bloom #quote

Everyone leaves footprints in your memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you will truly remember. ~ Nicholas Sperling #quote
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~  Henry Van Dyke #quote

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. #oneliners

Coca-Cola was originally green. #factoid
Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers. #oneliners

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. ~ Elbert Hubbard #quote

Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand. ~ Chinese #Proverb

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused #bumperstickers
 

The Ottoman Empire once had seven emperors in seven months. They died of (in order): burning, choking, drowning, stabbing, heart failure, poisoning and being thrown from a horse. #factoid

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear #bumperstickers

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.  #paraprosdokian #ENGgrammar

By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game. #oneliners

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours. #oneliners

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. #oneliners

In The Buff: Nude. #ENGidiom
The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing. ~ Socrates #quote

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody #bumperstickers

INJURY, n. An offence next in degree of enormity to a slight. ~ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary #quote


An air of inimitable, scrutinizing, superb impertinence #literaryExpression

If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade. ~ Tom Peters #quotes

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~ Mark Twain #quotes

Do not play leap frog with a unicorn #bumperstickers

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. ~  John Lilly #quote

Nippers ~ Mosquitos or small children #Canadianslang

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests #FunnyNewspaperHeadlines

They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. #sliceoflife

Flash In The Pan: Something that shows potential or looks promising in the beginning but fails to deliver anything in the end. #ENGidiom
It is not against the law to be stupid, but it is stupid to be against the law. #oneliners

Two-Four - A blue-collar euphemism for a case of twenty-four beers. #CanadianSlang

Eye Drops Off Shelf #FunnyNewspaperHeadlines

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. ~ Rudyard Kipling #quote

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. #factoid